So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize