I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
