I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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