IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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