You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
