That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
