I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
