when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
