I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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