so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
