he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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