So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
