so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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