My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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