my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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