cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
