Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
