He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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