The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
