vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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