Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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