So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
