My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
