people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
