i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
