I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
