Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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