I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
