Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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