what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
