if you like me you must not know who I am
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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