some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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