Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
