True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
third nipple confirmed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
