we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
