worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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