I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
