Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
