Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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