We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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