this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My dick has a subreddit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
