While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
