someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
