can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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