Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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