Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
