i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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