she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
