Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
