I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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