If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hippo gnu deer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
