2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
