My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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