No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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