My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Actions speak louder than pants.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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