So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
