I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
