You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
