You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
