why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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