Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
