If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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