omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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