Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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