I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
