tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
