If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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