His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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