what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
high people should be assigned attendants
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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