"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
