oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
