I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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