i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
