new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize