What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
