The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
