I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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