I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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