No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
