if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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