just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
