you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
