just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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